great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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