her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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