I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
