Nicole vs. Life
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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