Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
