the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
