I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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