EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
