allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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