i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
