just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
