I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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