and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
