I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
