There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
