i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
