fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
