Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
