I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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