I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
