we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
