If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
