I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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