I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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