there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
