she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
