just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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