so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
