I wish i was in the wii world.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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