i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
