I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
