so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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