The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
