Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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