I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We just shotgunned beers for America
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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