Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
