I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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