I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
