how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
