I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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