i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
