It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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