Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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