It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
