Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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