You're a womanizer and a bitch.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
last night I used snow as a chaser
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
