just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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