Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
