Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize