you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
