Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
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