that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My vagina just clenched in fear
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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