Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
