you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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