That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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