your parents love me but you hate me
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
