Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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