You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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