You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
