some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Randomize
