So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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