I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
