My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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