cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
