Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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