I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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