Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
