So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
