he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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